I am in a place in my life where the shiny dream of what you are “supposed” to do, what I’m watching many, many of my friends happily do, what I wanted to do, is not happening for me.

It is by choice, but I still grieve that things right now have turned out like they have. That I’ve made choices which have led me here, and surrounded myself with people who have diverted my path from where I wished to go.

I’m being horribly vague, yes. Because the choices I’ve made still hurt, and I still grieve and regret them, and I’m not ready to share them with the people I know, let alone strangers. And it would be horrible to share other people’s dirty laundry, and even worse to say that they are the reason I am where I am. They are, in part, but it would be vulgar to point out why.

I feel trapped, and disappointed in myself. I feel ridiculous too, actually, for feeling those things. What’s worse is that when I’m feeling all ridiculous like this, I end up crying over silly things. Like the plot in Private Practice, for example.

Ridiculous, really. Why CAN’T Coop and Charlotte work it out? Why CAN’T the addict get better? Okay, so the stroke divorcee got back with her husband now they have a child, and Archer is doing well by Naomi and, well, well it’s entirely possible this show is getting too soap-like and I should stop watching it.

Bah. Ridiculous, see. Just like this post.

[edit]And no, I’m not talking about marriage or anything as ridiculous as that. Don’t be ridiculous![/edit]